I wrote this post a really long time ago (which you’ll be able to tell from the outdated references). But I think it still holds true, even more today than earlier. So what say? Are we spiralling into a world of isolation while living in an illusion of connectedness?

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

I was one of the laggard consumers in the mobile phone market. For the 18-odd months I watched a new trend pick up among my family and friends, knowing that I’d have to pick it up eventually and resisting simply from force of habit. I went from nonchalance to mild curiosity to irritation to sheer resignation and finally compliance.

I particularly remember taking a bus home after class with a friend. The journey lasted an hour for me, an hour-and-half for her. She had a book, I had a walkman, the city was flying past and we had each other for company with a dayful of youthful events to discuss. But the better part of that time would be spent on missed-call tags, SMSing, an occasional game and sundry phone-fiddling – all hers on her newly acquired cellphone. Our conversation was peppered and then punctured with these interruptions often. I distinctly remember this one habit as a point of reference for change. It changed the equation of our friendship (always based on conversation – the volume and content of it), it altered the way I related to her and to myself.

In my mind, the start of the revolution in India is symbolized by an early Nokia advertisement showing a South East-Asian woman sitting on a campus lawn and strumming a guitar while her friend held up the mobile phone to her lips

Happy birthday to Grandpa
Happy birthday to you.

Nokia – connecting people.

Of course everyone remembers the days when a single call would cost Rs.16 a minute and you also had to pay for the privelege of receiving calls. But perhaps not. The teen-somethings that are the key interest group for mobile phone manufacturers would have been kids at that time and possibly not conscious of the financial implications of the then-current trends. Well kids, it’s true then – there was a time when a mobile phone was a luxury, not a vital necessity.

Mobile phone prices dropped, service providers undercut each other in a bid to woo the new market and Reliance put the world in everyone’s hands. We’ve neatly bypassed pagers and evolved to where a mobile phone becomes an extension of ourselves.

Covers, wallpapers, screensavers, ringtones and caller tunes allow us to give our beepers a sense of our identity. Games and other value-added services keep us tap-tapping busy. The limits of connectedness keep getting pushed furthur. First it was SMS for the type-happy folks, then Voicemail so we could do more than the bland ‘missed call’. Missed call alerts let us stay connected even when we were not. Connectivity itself is being redefined and re-redefined with Bluetooth, GPRS, moblogging, tweeting and what not.

7 years have got me through mobile phones and more. But I am still wondering – are we really more connected?

I have an office number, a home number and a mobile phone (SMS, Voicemail, GPRS, Bluetooth et al). I can even communicate with any number of people through a single SMS thanks to Twitter.

My contacts list follows a complex filing system- Family, School, College, Colleagues, Clients (A, B, C), Bloggers, Tweeple, Hobbyists (Community A, Forum B, Group C) and Friends.  I just realised that I’ve started compartmentalizing my conversations as well.

Morning before train is an open slot meant for urgent messages only.

Morning on train is SMSspace thanks to errant voice networks. Alternately two calls can be fitted here with a break for the voice drop mid-line.

Morning after train is for issuing and confirming social invitations, evening events and weekend plans. The duration is perfect and it is fitting to be able to say “Just getting in to work. I’ll check my schedule and let you know.”

Email and Twitter during the day, in work breaks.

Post-lunch phone call to close friends in other cities. The pseudo-relaxed time is the only slot for those kind of conversations.

Tea-time email/Twitter/SMS/Phone call on a light day to confirm plans.

Evening on-the-way to catch up on missed calls, unreplied SMSes and broken conversations.

Night-way-home is an open slot for long, involved conversations on relationships, work tangles and family issues.

And then it suddenly makes sense to me that urban society is suddenly a collective-manic-depressive, oscillating from an unnatural obsession with connectedness and a near-suicidal impulse to disconnect completely. It might help to remember that with any level of connectivity, each of us still has only 24 hours in a day and a finite level of brain/tongue capacity.

I don’t think we are more connected to each other. Connectedness and isolation have to exist in a certain balance at all time. All that has happened is that the balance has gone from a controlled plug in/out grid to a shifting shapeless form where multiple connection points are possible. So the probability of being connected is higher but that of being disconnected is, as well. What’s more, it may be possible to predict where and when the next level of connectivity may come from. Sadly the same can’t be said yet about disconnectedness.

Plugged-in but not connected – Is that true of you?

                          

8 Comments

• At November 2, 2009, Arun wrote:

  'out of sight, out of mind' has usually been true for me in the past. No longer. I am someone who tends to keep to myself, so it applies to me all the more. I did not spend time painfully keying in smses. I was never on the phone for hours every day, and thankfully, I still carry an ancient phone which limits me to what the phone was once meant to be.

  Where I really saw change is in the new web. I even resisted the social media wave. I was never on Orkut and till date, I am not active on twitter. But facebook has given me a feeling of connected with everyone. Logging in a few times a day tells me what is everyone upto, and sometimes it helps me connect without having to actually make a conversation.

• At November 3, 2009, aniruddha wrote:

  hehe it reminded me of a time when to contact my friend i had to call a paging service, who would send my message to my friend's friend ..damn :).True we just have 24 hours to stay connected and a limit to our tongue and brain :D. I realized that i was spending too much time on being connected through technology and not meeting the real people. So i decided it was time to go out and meet some real friends. So i unplugged :D

• At November 4, 2009, Ms Taggart wrote:

  Thankfully no.. :)

  To this day, I do not do anything on my phone when I have a person in front of me, be it an acquaintance or a best friend.

  I do not rely on FB or Orkut to maintain my relationships either.. Twitter is waaay out of question..

• At November 5, 2009, Sid wrote:

  A very very interesting post indeed. I agree with your views on how the mobile/cell-phone has invaded life and cut-down on physically talking to each other.

  On the other hand, it has allowed us to reach more people. So it's a very fine line indeed. Nice mobile schedule there!

• At November 8, 2009, Cora wrote:

  nice Posting. I just starting with Internet. My parents didn't allow me this, before I was 16 years old. It's very nice, becaus now can I improve my English language.

  Cora from Frankfurt in Germany

• At November 9, 2009, teendudes wrote:

  Very true. Technology has developed the communication between persons millions of miles apart, but has ceased the communication between hearts !!!

• At November 11, 2009, Nita wrote:

  Discovered this blog through Indiblogger. It's a great blog and I am wondering why I didn't come across it before! I love the design too. And this post connected with me! I agree with all that you said, and as you went on the memories of the time when cell phones first came to India came back. I remember that people would use the cell as some sort of status symbol, until the sabzi wallas got it too!

  And I think that today we are more isolated than ever before. That is why I haven't bumped into you at some party or gathering, that is why I am commenting on your blog and that of others, that is why we use machines to communnicate. We human beings are a lost race today because face to face we don't want to connect, not in big cities anyway.

• At December 2, 2009, IdeaSmith wrote:

  @Arun: I guess connectivity has certainly bridged the gaps of introversion. I was looking at the other end of the spectrum, which is the one I usually inhabit...the hyperconnected, over-updated, information overload side. There's a crash happening out there.

  @aniruddha: It's a soul-fulfiling experience, isn't it? Strange, I used to wonder at people who went 'slumming' or gave up luxuries to experience the real world. Somehow I've turned into a version of that over-priveleged world where I've to consciously cut out what's pleasurable to experience something real.

  @ Ms Taggart: You're one of those few, really few people who understand that there's phone etiquette too. I don't really think Twitter or Facebook are 'bad' but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. See Arun's comment above - social media has certainly made it possible to create and sustain a connection where none may have been possible earlier. It's the excessiveness that I have a problem with.

  @Sid: Thank you! The mobile schedule has gone out of the window since I took a break from work (thank my stars!) :-D

  @Cora: Welcome to The Idea-smithy then! The Internet can be a lovely place but it also has some strange and potentially dangerous people around. Do be careful about sharing your personal information, photos etc online and also who you get friendly with. All the best!

  @teendudes: Absolutely!

  @Nita: And thank you for coming to The Idea-smithy (finally!!). Actually with the whole social media phenomenon, there is a slight mingling of the online and offline world so it is possible to connect up with people in the real world. If you ever attend a barcamp, blogcamp or tweetup, we might bump into each other. It will be good to talk face-to-face.

Respond

Elixir can heal as long as it is kept carefully in a bottle and taken carefully. But when dropped or smashed across the room, all that remain are broken shards that can cause injury. Even if they once contained elixir.

You don’t play football with a bottle of medicine. Or expect a punchbag to heal you.

                          

Respond

A very friendly place
where nobody is your friend,
can be a very scary place indeed.

Like a mad funhouse. Or the Palace of Mirrors.

                          

Respond

Emotional scars are like those stubborn stains that water can’t erase.

Try acid.

                          

5 Comments

• At November 17, 2008, Australopithecus wrote:

  what about a host of organic solvents..

  they may cause cancer but they are "organic"

  Australopithecuss last idea:

• At November 17, 2008, Rambler wrote:

  hmm how about trying some more emotions..like the old saying about pricks

  Ramblers last idea: A stranger, welcomed.

• At November 17, 2008, Ashish wrote:

  Touche Lady!!!

• At November 20, 2008, IdeaSmith wrote:

  @ Australopithecus: Oh no, no chemicals please.

  @ Rambler: Heh, I like.

  @ Ashish: :-D

• At November 21, 2008, australopithecus wrote:

  what like acids or even water for that mater isn't a chemical:P

Respond

Sensitivity is the permission you give yourself to feel.

No more, no less.

Not how much you feel about other people.
Not how much you feel about yourself.
Not how many tears you shed.
Not even how much you feel.

Simply how much you allow yourself to.

To illustrate, a poem from long ago when I was still into rhyming and used to scribble in pages torn from notebooks. Who do you suppose is being referred to here?

Sensitivity

In the midst of the masses, I see a face
Devoid of all charm and social grace
Nothing different about her, except for her eyes
Eyes that are serene, thoughtful and wise
Eyes that speak a thousand things without saying a word
Ideas and thoughts that are never hear
that tell of turmoil beneath the surface calm, that is the face we see
Feelings running deep, wild dreams that were never meant to be
Her eyes see everything,
yet love without judging
Respect every human being’s right to be
Understanding that each of us longs to be free
Eyes that cry without shedding a tear
that feel immense pain, but no fear
A heart bleeds for a world gone all wrong
where every lullaby hummed, is a grave-digger’s song
Eyes that shine with a strange, magical light
like the serene moon on a dark night
misted over in the memory of some unknown music that only she can hear
Lost in a faraway land, and yet she’s near
She blinks; the moment is gone
Nothing changes, life goes on
My words are lost in a babble of voice – harsh and loud
She’s gone – just another face in the crowd

                          

3 Comments

• At November 13, 2008, Rakhi wrote:

  True, but does this mean insensitivity is 'being strong'? That 'strength' is a much abused justification methinks.

• At November 13, 2008, Pratik wrote:

  nice poem

• At November 19, 2008, Ranjan wrote:

  were u referring to Virgin Mary when u wrote that poem? Just guessing!

  Ranjans last idea: CommentLuv needs updating on this site. Please download the latest version and install it on your site. This message will apear during the first 10 minutes of each hour. This remote script will cease returning posts in 7 days

Respond

…is a two-way street
with a lot of potholes
and not enough speed-breakers.

If you do manage to make it down the street, it’ll likely not be in one piece.

Well, minus some expectations at least.

                          

5 Comments

• At October 25, 2008, Rakhi wrote:

  So true... nice pic by the way...

• At October 27, 2008, IdeaSmith wrote:

  @ Rakhi: Thank you. :-)

• At October 29, 2008, govind wrote:

  In short trust is a "typical indian street". Kinda fits ur description, wat say?:P

  govinds last blog post..Vedanta and it's relevance in modern times

• At November 3, 2008, rambler wrote:

  hmm may be trust is more of a two way street where the driver often gets to see caution boards every few steps, only to discover them to be satanic mirages.

  ramblers last blog post..A conscious trail of thought.

• At November 6, 2008, IdeaSmith wrote:

  @ govind: A typical Mumbai street anyhow. Delhi is definitely better.

  @ rambler: Oooeeerrr...rather grisly picture that is!

Respond

We all have days when we look back at our desicions and wonder “WHY??”.

And when you have too many such days, you just shrug and thank your stars.

Amen to miraculous escapes by mistake.

(Click to see full comic in a new page)

                          

3 Comments

• At September 26, 2008, RukmaniRam wrote:

  :lol: lol!!! :lol:

  "miraculous escapes by mistake" waahahahahahaa

  RukmaniRams last blog post..Maney Matters

• At September 27, 2008, A Cynic in Wonderland wrote:

  hehehe. Cute

  A Cynic in Wonderlands last blog post..Presenting a new weapon of mass destruction.

• At September 29, 2008, Crucifire wrote:

  :grin: ohhh so u r on stripcreator too, is it? :razz: nice one btw..

  Crucifires last blog post..Superheroes Saga - 2

Respond

People show you
in subtle, petty, miniscule, piddly ways
that they don’t like you
…..or that they do.

Deciphering the clues is only half the battle,
Sometimes you can’t tell which they mean.

                          

5 Comments

• At September 15, 2008, Rakhi wrote:

  And sometimes you do take the hint thinking to yourself 'Gawd, how predictable can they get!' Even though the proof doesn't come right then, sooner (within a week or month) or later (within a year, :razz: ) you've got it... :razz:

  But what I still don't get, are the ones that confuse me. Blow hot, blow cold!!! Ah, and Miss Impatience personified, moi, isn't supposed to just walk up to them and ask 'Ok, so what's the big deal?' :???:

• At September 18, 2008, the mad momma wrote:

  hey you.. you've been awarded.

• At September 18, 2008, Shantanu wrote:

  And then they'll claim... "You never understood.. I have always hated you..." :!:

  Shantanus last blog post..Fe Fi Fo Fur.. I smell a festival....!

• At September 19, 2008, RukmaniRam wrote:

  what if you do a tit for tat, and say "your turn"?

  RukmaniRams last blog post..I asscertain

• At September 29, 2008, Deepika wrote:

  So true. So true.

Respond

  

Don’t mistake curiosity for concern

or dominance for protectiveness.

                          

6 Comments

• At September 1, 2008, Brad wrote:

  ...instead mistake it for a narcissistic endeavor to stroke ones ego. :twisted:

• At September 2, 2008, Which Main? What Cross? wrote:

  That sums up most human realtionships...

• At September 2, 2008, Amrutha wrote:

  Hey! Check out the award I just gave you. Here!

• At September 2, 2008, A Cynic in Wonderland wrote:

  very profound.

  A Cynic in Wonderlands last blog post..Insecurity

• At September 2, 2008, Ashish wrote:

  this confusion will continue till eternity...thats human heart!!

• At September 10, 2008, IdeaSmith wrote:

  @ Brad: Wooohooohoo...my A.E. does it again!! Steals my thunder from right under my nose...err, post!

  @ Which Main? What Cross?: It does? How depressing.

  @ Amrutha: Did too! Thengyu!

  @ Cynic: Kabhi kabhi hum bhi thoda dimag chalate hain... :mrgreen:

  @ Ashish: Whew...

Respond

I would have said..

I could get really used to you

…except I find I already have.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Habits are like huge foam pillows
Comforting, cuddly, warm
Suffocating and restrictive as well

And yeah, they aren’t easy to break. All they do is bounce right back on you.
Your only hope is to tear through even if some of the residue sticks to you.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

A ritual is a habit with an over-inflated sense of self-importance

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Relationships that are habits
aren’t exciting any more
but they are a helluva lot more comfortable.

And consider, if you had to let go of that flashy new bling outfit you got last week
OR your favorite holed-and-patched-and-ripping pyjamas…
…which would you really, really miss more?

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Some people are sad or bored or boring out of habit.
Actually by the same token some people are joyful or involved or interesting by habit.

All it is, is about getting used to thinking about the way one is…or decides to be.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I’m a creature of habit – a bad habit of hobnobing with worse creatures.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Discipline is nothing more than habit with good PR.

                          

7 Comments

• At August 25, 2008, A Cynic in Wonderland wrote:

  "a ritual is a habit..."

  very nicely put! and its strange how easy it is to get used to stuff. much sooner than one would think actually.

  A Cynic in Wonderlands last blog post..Unrequited friendship

• At August 26, 2008, Silvara wrote:

  Awarded!! come by to collect :razz:

  I have a habit of wearing black, eating chocolate for every reason possible and thinking my booty will get in the way of world domination.

• At August 26, 2008, Jeeves wrote:

  "Relationships that are habits

  aren’t exciting any more

  but they are a helluva lot more comfortable."

  Arent relationships boring also???Comfort zone is never exciting. Really nice post

  Jeevess last blog post..Janmashtami

• At August 26, 2008, Extempore wrote:

  :-)

• At August 27, 2008, Sumit wrote:

  You actually get pillows made out of 'Memory Foam'...

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory_foam

• At September 4, 2008, Habits « One Life To Live…. wrote:

  [...] Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: random thoughts Sometimes all you are looking for, is a habit A habit of a [...]

• At September 10, 2008, IdeaSmith wrote:

  @ Cynic, Extempore: :smile:

  @ Silvara: Did too! Thengyu!

  @ Jeeves: Thank you. But some comfortable relationships go beyond excitement.

  @ Sumit: Gah... :twisted:

Respond